Ya know those times in life when you’re faced with decisions that could all be good, but have a lot of uncertainty behind them? Those decisions have presented their self to me several times. Several times I’ve chosen ones that seemed to be fun or exciting and turned out to be quite a devastation to my over all moral and quality of life. The thing though, that really gets me is the little gut feeling I had before I made those particular choices. That deep gut feeling… that small voice in the corner of my mind… that flutter in my stomach or the quickly unexpected increase in heart rate that gives way to shortness of breath. It’s those things that scream out to me in such a quiet way, “…don’t do that. Don’t go there. It won’t be productive. This is not a stepping stone. Don’t listen to those people.” Ah…”those people”…they always mean well don’t they. Even when they say something that they think is helpful or constructive, it turns out to be one sided and biased and that’s just not very helpful or constructive, now is it?
Along the way (the way I have chosen over the last few years) I have chosen to go in the direction that beckons those voices and flutters and heart rate increases that I’m sure you’re familiar with. For my own pride (forgive me Lord) I don’t like saying they were mistakes. In reality, yes, maybe. But I feel as though I have finally come to the brink of this current stage in my life. In the past couple weeks, I’ve realized something about myself. It’s been a pretty big realization. I tend to run from things… Ugh! I didn’t like typing that, but I know it’s true. I know it’s true. I realize that a few of the times that I ran from certain situations, I hurt some people. Not on purpose of corse, but it did happen. I feel like my heart has been changing the last few years. When I say changing, I think I mean it’s going back to the way it was. I might have strayed away from my original dream.
Here’s the deal: I’m ready to do the things that I’ve always wanted to do, but have been too afraid, for whatever reason, to do them. I realize that I have ran from things in life. I realize that I really love my friends and family and I care SO much about their opinion. It means a lot to me to know what my friends and family think. But somewhere in the midst of all of the opinion giving, I forgot to ask for wisdom. I forgot to ask for guidance. My vision was clouded and blurred by all of the “opinions” and I was so confused. Not to blame my friends and family by any means. If anyone is to blame it’s myself. I think, without even realizing it, you can let people, who have only the best intentions, cloud your judgement. It’s great to seek “wise counsel” but getting opinions from people doesn’t make things easier. It subjects yourself to a miserable tug-of-war composed of choices, decisions, people and places that could or could not be possibly very great or maybe just really bad perhaps…ya see…? Haha!
So, in conclusion, I’ve decided to make up my own mind. I’ve decided to do that thing that I’ve known I was supposed to do for a very long time. And let me tell you, nothing about making this decision feels easy. It feels hard and nervous and unknown and something else… liberating! WOW! It feels REALLY liberating! I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea what’s going to happen. I have no idea who I’m going to meet. I have no idea how I’m going to do it. Here’s what I do know: a door was opened to me. I was anxious about walking through it. I prayed. I almost made another “fluttery” decision and then…a felt a gentle nudge towards the door again. This situation I just described has happened before. You want to know the difference between those times and this one…? Well this time…I’m listening to the nudge.
:o)
